Pencils

This dream was emotional from start to finish, but began simply enough with the act of stealing a pencil. I must have been back in grade school, as my body was small and we were all seated at desks with full cubbys underneath. A girl from my elementary years takes a pencil off my desk right in front of me, with a smirk.

childpencil

I cannot believe what she’s up to but I’m more than aggravated, so I demand that she give it back, to which she replies that she most definitely will not. Her arrogance is astounding, but permissible apparently as the entire class has now seemed to jump onto her side of the argument. The salt in the wound is that her mother has arrived.

She snips at me that her daughter has done nothing wrong, and it’s just a pencil after all, but it has now become a matter of pride, and I’m clinging to the hope for inevitable justice even more intensely now that I feel so conspired against by the rest of the group.

scapegoat

My teacher, as it turns out is against me as well, and failing to turn anyone to my side of things, I run out into the orange hallway and cry by myself. It was so reminiscent of how I used to feel as a young kid. Ostracized by my peer group from the outset, my younger days were trying, and not a day went by that I wasn’t the target of everyone’s jokes.

I of course thought this was due to the fact that I was smarter than everybody, and also that I had unfortunately been born ugly. These are the silly thoughts and emotions of my young self, the social pariah, highlighted through the lens of my dreaming state.

fitting_in_jun_05

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One thought on “Pencils

  1. I’m on your side because I think this dream is about learning to share and trust. It’s more than a pencil; it’s taking something without permission. Yes today it’s a pencil, but perhaps a car tomorrow. It could have been a great lesson if shared when young, but you shared it today.

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