A Nice Day for a White Wedding (Well Brunch at Least)

I am at my friend Alix’s wedding as a bridesmaid, (which is disorienting because this is true in reality), and we are attending a fancy brunch. It is held in the ballroom of a beautifully restored hotel from the twenties and nearly every surface is covered in intricate carvings and reliefs of opulent people and animals. As we walk in I am given a huge inch wide rectangular diamond ring to wear throughout the brunch.

It is a checkout system and everyone is particularly bent on reminding me to be careful as I have been given one of the most expensive pieces. To be very honest, It’s ugly, and I’m pretty sure I could find it’s twin at a Clair’s. We sat down to eat and of course they were serving lobster, which is one of my borderline foods, I am allergic to shrimp so shellfish in general “kind of” make me feel ill.

True to form I begin to feel absolutely horrid, so I excuse myself and walk quickly to the exit looking for a restroom. As I leave they grab my arm and remove the ring from my hand in a swift practiced motion that barely slows me down, and I find myself standing outside of the hotel near the valet. The wind is cool and refreshing, instantly improving my mood, and settling a re-staging of Custer’s Last Stand in my tummy. A drive, I decide, will do me a wealth of good, so I summon the valet who has my car up at the front in two shakes, and I am provided with a driver.

I climb in but before I can inform him where I wish to go he speeds off, effectively kidnapping me in my own car. I am not afraid but furious and I yell at him repeatedly to stop the car and head back, eventually getting so fed up that I kick open the car door and jump out. I dust myself off, making a mental note to bill the hotel for my dress which is now wretched, and find that I am really not as far from the hotel as I thought and the distance is easily managed on foot.

Walking back as a complete mess and bedraggled as all get out I trudge up to the front entrance of the hotel. People give me many sidelong glances as I trudge back to the party, and the jewelry lenders are positively outraged. They very venomously explain that I cannot wear the jewelry I was previously afforded, and they hand me a ring that is clearly meant as a downgrade. It is a pair of diamond owl eyes surrounded by amethysts, and it’s stunning.

Vastly more beautiful than the boring diamond, I was struck my the intricacy of the craftsmanship. I immediately gushed over how beautiful it was, and the attendants were extremely displeased that their attempt at cruelty had the opposite effect on me. Angry over their foiled attempts to bring me down, they take the ring back and say that I can’t go back in once I’ve left.

I pretend to walk away dejected then sneak in the staff entrance and make my way back to my group. We’re all dressed up in silver beaded numbers that look like flapper dresses, which will apparently serve as our bridesmaids dresses. We finish the brunch which goes off without a hitch and then escort a very satisfied bride to be back to her house, before we all drive ourselves home.


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